entfall @ 2009-12-25T00: 35:00
The Panther (RM Rilke)
His gaze, going past those bars
become so tired that he does not think much more.
He feels as if it were a thousand bars and behind a thousand bars no
world.
The soft transition supply powerful,
rotates the very smallest circle,
is like a dance of strength around a center
in a great will stands stunned.
Only sometimes the curtain of the pupils lifts, quietly
-. Then goes into a picture
down through the limbs' intensive stillness -
and hear the heart to be.
memory. I remember exactly how we should get this poem at some point in school by heart, and how accurate it even then I found out for myself - especially the first and third verse. This attitude.
And it is always still present. I could now write, for example, anything about Christmas, about consumption and materialism, kitsch, and trinkets, about terror and family harmony addiction and all the associated emotional entanglements of a single ironic farce and the power of ritualized habits , stress and hassle, Schenk delusion and superficiality, which are miles away from any form of real reflection and honest to each other admitting, of sharing and the simple pleasure, perhaps even on generational conflict, the difficulty of the''live and let live ' 'the clash of different lifestyles, through communication and understanding boundaries (also: dispute avoidance versus confrontation), and so on and so forth, but I might just come as absolutely no sense of it. Things in the way dozens of people have expressed to me a lot better, constantly reading somewhere that it does without the slightest thing. Meaningless. Presumably I'm missing just massively''sense of mission'', as formulated brother always beautiful.
the end, I'm probably just not do-gooders, not an idealist, to me everything is just something of absolute shit. Maybe I'm just the front itself, out of self-protection and convenience, because I do not deal with all these issues must be stressful (and their possible consequences on my behavior), of which I feel so overwhelmed. Because, in all honesty merciless, just clearly do not come easy with a conscious life, that's will be well. It kills me in its fullness. It is condemned as much easier to just run away forever (too hard to fight against perceived wind mills), rather than the whole place (especially the inner demons). But that's the way a try if you want a way off the conventional recommendations and workarounds going to take real ownership, what else did I expect.
Sometimes I wonder where the line is between not be approached in itself, displacing, or whether it is one and the same - and if so, how a human being can survive without (the other but there must be some reasonable way to get the whole input zurande without breaking it).
did I probably just too much afraid of life because they indirectly tell me in a way, again and again with, my death (control release and departure into the unknown) faces. Funny, when the Only, after which it pushes one over and over again, not at the same time or can hardly stand. It is likely that on a deeper level, just another of these conflicts between my feelings and my thinking - the desire for biting intensity is now even with the need for security (which in any case it can not exist, never, what is amusing in the thing actually). I always wanted to be one of those people who burn'', even if then only cold ashes left''is, but I just do not have this insane, seemingly inexhaustible energy. Basically I feel I'm already burned out, for something more than just two decades on this planet. The question I ask myself is whether this energy is just buried somewhere among dozens of psychoses, neuroses, complexes, and heaven knows nor other behavioral mechanisms retracted, locked in the straitjacket of an illusory self-image probably inevitable, and whether I therefore should be free''blow up''only, or whether I should finally settle once and for all so that I can just not be had, that what will perhaps only my ego, for me are nothing more than unattainable dreams.
Yes, soul striptease is yes so much better than social criticism and a great ;-). But my problem is I just always and primarily myself, only then does the rest, even if in the end everything always somehow connected.
After all, these are also issues that come (my impression at least) in the normal inter-personal life so openly rarely ever discussed, and maybe that stuff reads so but at some times when anyone who finds it in part and the perhaps even help? Well, seems unlikely (although I myself feel better at something then sometimes ... so if I feel that I am not the only one, certain things just do not get to the series). What do I do. It does not really matter because I'm doing anyway, which to me is the sense, without great me to think why.
the end, so and so.
''We're going nowhere, all the way to nowhere''
