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If others jump out the window

how lonely and desperate can you get?
Man so will have much someone likes the one about him. One yearns for touching, one longs for the nostalgia of a self and above all for another.

war I do not even times reasonable rates down, maybe make the three hours of sleep.

Yesterday / Today was really just great, except that one must always take into consideration. You have to ask his own feelings into the background so that others can not hurt, but what is done with a self, the other not matter anyway.
go along I wanted, so I wanted it! And what did I gain? I am ashamed of myself. I do not even remember how the guy looked like.
And all that I now feel this way?

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...

God, how much I hate being so fucking weak.
Where's my support, where is my life, where am I?

I miss my old sister, I miss my old friends, I miss my old self. I would again be so cold that everything bounces off of me. I want the eyes no longer see, hear not the spells. I can not.
But when I see it, have they only attack surface, only more food. I do not want.
I do not want to be treated, I will not dissolve further. Who am I, damn who I really am? I want no future, I will no longer possible, I do not want anymore.

I'm afraid.

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Am I a coward, because I am the pain as much as possible out of the way to go? Am I a coward because I would rather disappear than to make me what comes to me? Am I a coward, because others create it or at least make the appearance as if they do it and not me?
I am a coward when I say that nothing to live for me?

If I try to describe how I feel what is going on inside me, I'd say to me goes like Bella in the second part. This feeling of the hole, which eats up a growing, more and more .... But it is not enough!
Not only my heart is a hole, my whole self. My whole damn self. What am
I actually? Who am I? What makes me special? Draws me of something out of anything? I want a man who knows me and accepts me for that too. Someone who comes to me, just say so and: It's nice that you are there. Someone I find confirmation of my existence. Someone who tells me that I'm needed, I have a content.
Someone let me say that I am not empty. Not just a shell.

I can not stand it anymore. I think words, looks, gestures, touches, feelings any longer. I breathe and suffocate. I live and die every time a bit more. I fight so much and lose much more. I will not. I can not. I do not.
Giving up is not an alternative but finally a decision.