Navy Blue Couch With White Piping

You should know by now that life is not the same

Am now for two weeks, a "regular student" as the saying goes in my passport. And I can already tell that I am happy with some things, when the three years up to my bachelor over. I mean, nothing can be against "Das Nibelungenlied", but why do I have in front of Middle High German, where the beautiful translation in High German is next? In addition, You can not interepretieren so much into it, as my dear teacher would like. Moreover, to B1, the exercise! Now I know again why I liked before any German. Those who learn this language going to volunteer? Are ye mad?
The rest, so to B3, the lecture and the two exercises to be just wonderful. Because I know again why I'm studying Germanic and not just doing an apprenticeship. With Philo I am still a little overwhelmed, frankly. Our instructor is the only way to throw technical terms around and think we would have all works of moral philosophy regarding long been read and understood. After all, the tutor reassures us a little and mean in a semester, we would talk almost the same.
And the university itself is also nice. Just an old castle. Only the stairs all make a mad, because you need to make any sport more.
Commuting is corrosive, however, really corrosive. Unfortunately I do not currently see the force for an apartment. I also do not know if i have a will, because everything is so ... immature.

The last months were just not nice and since my birthday I feel like everything is always much I put aside have. How much I've always tried that and it does not affect me. And now, now everything is just wobbly. There were big changes, yes, but I wanted to change this forever! Now that time has finally come, it's too much. Probably these thoughts are normal, but what does that mean? Just because many so it goes, it's not important? Not real enough? Somehow, not worrying?
It is ... uff. Exactly. Just uff.

Thomas And it makes me even more easily. Yes, I know I'm starting again from him. I'm sure how I feel about him. On one hand I want to be with him more than anything else. But on the other hand, I know we have no chance. Sometimes it's not enough just something that we feel for each other. Sometimes feelings just do not overcome all barriers, but they cause them.
He says things to me, I hope so. It's unbelievable. However, it does not work. He tells me what he feels, how he fights and he is actually telling me not to want to. He said that I would turn such things to tell him to sagen.Doch I do that I can not. He does not understand. How could they?
I want him so much to say that I love him, but not because I really do. How can someone be wonderful to me and I prepare the return, only suffering? How can he be there for me, hold me, build me, love me, when I always say I do not, get him back on the floor of the facts and so cold I? How long? Therefore, I will tell him. I will make him happy will build it, keep it. I will love him because he loves me. But that is not right. Simply not true. I have committed this mistake once and I'm not going to make it again. Therefore, I will tell him though, it can not.

I should now go on again. Must make a few things for my mother, go to Heine and the Nibelungenlied and read later am back to Bonn.

Do You Have To Tie Jelly Bracelets

entfall @ 2009-10-18T00: 14:00

And then I sit there, hands on the keyboard, would like to write something But once it flows again. Feelings and thoughts such as attack-like flashing lights, a blip blinding light that is already shortly afterwards swallowed by the deep shadows. How pulsating power cables impossible to grasp, even it was not long enough to cut them and leave the hidden content as a flood tide endure. Well, maybe I should stop trying to be lyrical.

Whatever.

Sometimes I have the feeling that''real life''takes place without me, running past me, because I let it pass by, and basically I have no idea of the wild pulse, far from the seclusion . Because so much is that you do not know, my girl.
But if I want to have this thought a little strange reassuring: The wealth of uncertain non-familiar, I can not worry about anything, and anyway scare and that gives me some peace of mind that I would not have otherwise. Let them come easy, just let it happen, then it should be just so ...

attempts to cope with the backlog, try not to backslide and to master those abysmal sharp balancing act that means allowing and acting out of emotions without them (again) to fall. Processing (even with tears, as long as it helps wash away and the suffering).
ie withdrawal and learn, touch me alone with myself as Weggeleit through the dark interior marsh fog, until it no longer hurts - To finally understand this too deeply: If you need a helping hand so you can find them at the end of your arm.

And then I think of Forseti:
~ And so we walk alone through the night to see no light in the distance, follow the mist that wakes in darkness, but sometimes we look at the stars / And so we are looking at hint of darkness, the way in the distant future are not yet ready for the end, because sometimes we look at the stars ... ~

No, I will not stop these parts of the song to be linked to hope, for driving alone feeling, not thinking (diagnosis helps me per se no longer simple), and a look at the stars can in the wake of the memory of the ancient longing to act in such a simple way how comforting it is not a pure thought.

Right now I feel kind of sore, unstable and fragile, hypersensitive, but I can accept that this is for the moment just so that things need their time and I need a lot of patience . Trust. Whatever happens is, at least in my development, and somehow it'll all be - is crucial after all, is already one's own perspective on things, because the world is only a mirror of myself, as I see it appears to me, and how fast is overlooked in the concentration of the blue the green.

Anyway, for years and perhaps decades of ingrained habits do not change overnight, so simple it's not for me, just take Verinnerlichungsprozesse. And there are still many things in regard to which I am unsure and do not really know where I stand in this respect - but for that I'm also still young and have (hopefully) enough time to find out . Well, I try to be lenient, and - no matter how hard it often occurs to me - letting go of the past, the familiar'' Misery''to finally turn their backs. Because I'm so sick of easy to sacrifice any more positive and negative expectations of the value and opportunities of the moment - the world and the people owe me anything, but I stand my life was also not entirely powerless gegenü calcd That and a deep need for inner peace, after all the ripping winds and all the self-destruction.

one yet to go beyond the narrow framework and to be able to breathe, freedom to feel in the blood.