entfall @ 2009-10-18T00: 14:00
And then I sit there, hands on the keyboard, would like to write something But once it flows again. Feelings and thoughts such as attack-like flashing lights, a blip blinding light that is already shortly afterwards swallowed by the deep shadows. How pulsating power cables impossible to grasp, even it was not long enough to cut them and leave the hidden content as a flood tide endure. Well, maybe I should stop trying to be lyrical.
Whatever.
Sometimes I have the feeling that''real life''takes place without me, running past me, because I let it pass by, and basically I have no idea of the wild pulse, far from the seclusion . Because so much is that you do not know, my girl.
But if I want to have this thought a little strange reassuring: The wealth of uncertain non-familiar, I can not worry about anything, and anyway scare and that gives me some peace of mind that I would not have otherwise. Let them come easy, just let it happen, then it should be just so ...
attempts to cope with the backlog, try not to backslide and to master those abysmal sharp balancing act that means allowing and acting out of emotions without them (again) to fall. Processing (even with tears, as long as it helps wash away and the suffering).
ie withdrawal and learn, touch me alone with myself as Weggeleit through the dark interior marsh fog, until it no longer hurts - To finally understand this too deeply: If you need a helping hand so you can find them at the end of your arm.
And then I think of Forseti:
~ And so we walk alone through the night to see no light in the distance, follow the mist that wakes in darkness, but sometimes we look at the stars / And so we are looking at hint of darkness, the way in the distant future are not yet ready for the end, because sometimes we look at the stars ... ~
No, I will not stop these parts of the song to be linked to hope, for driving alone feeling, not thinking (diagnosis helps me per se no longer simple), and a look at the stars can in the wake of the memory of the ancient longing to act in such a simple way how comforting it is not a pure thought.
Right now I feel kind of sore, unstable and fragile, hypersensitive, but I can accept that this is for the moment just so that things need their time and I need a lot of patience . Trust. Whatever happens is, at least in my development, and somehow it'll all be - is crucial after all, is already one's own perspective on things, because the world is only a mirror of myself, as I see it appears to me, and how fast is overlooked in the concentration of the blue the green.
Anyway, for years and perhaps decades of ingrained habits do not change overnight, so simple it's not for me, just take Verinnerlichungsprozesse. And there are still many things in regard to which I am unsure and do not really know where I stand in this respect - but for that I'm also still young and have (hopefully) enough time to find out . Well, I try to be lenient, and - no matter how hard it often occurs to me - letting go of the past, the familiar'' Misery''to finally turn their backs. Because I'm so sick of easy to sacrifice any more positive and negative expectations of the value and opportunities of the moment - the world and the people owe me anything, but I stand my life was also not entirely powerless gegenü calcd That and a deep need for inner peace, after all the ripping winds and all the self-destruction.
one yet to go beyond the narrow framework and to be able to breathe, freedom to feel in the blood.
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