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Cursed

Why do I feel always so hilfllos? So damn helpless? I have to look tired and just help to have the desire to, and can not do anything. No matter how much I would like to see, no matter how hard I try to hope, to believe ... again and again, always and again I am thrown back behind the glass wall and can again be seen only once in the front row.
to see, you know how stupid that is? How much I hate it?

I think it is no longer stuck in the role where help is such a scarce commodity. So I hope help me in one direction, which I will never never never never get back because I've installed giant Vollidotin me. And the help I get, can not help it. Where is there justice? Then I
try to help as much, again, again and again and yet I can not, I am not able to do so, I am too weak, can empathize with me, whatever. I can not!

If I did not already did, I would despair of me. I just have the incredible talent that make little luck, that's brought me to break. Easy to destroy. I'm really, clearly a masochist. Pain, suffering, grief, this is my world. I can only exist if I can suffer. Should I be happy, then only for a very short duration. I can not bear the happiness and the happiness I can not bear.
Where others have a survival instinct, as I have a self-destructive impulse. My past is the purest, cruel misery, my presence is more than pathetic, and my future is a huge black hole that makes life impossible.

displacement is not a solution and actually not even a possibility, but I have to do it so I can make something that calls live. I can not expect others to stand it to be permanently konfrontriert with my suffering, if they still have their own problems and a life. I can not lean on others, I can not.

empty, cold, lonely, helpless, lost corrupt, desperate, abandoned, injured confused, fragile, pathetic, weak, incompetent, unloved, hard, hateful, impossible, anxious, panicky, trapped, locked.
That's me. Damn.

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So slowly I have the feeling that I burst with a loud bad conscience.

I can not always .... man!
manure is not.

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Walking on sunshine .... Getting lost

So that must now be firmly held views be after, I think it maybe not.
This weather makes me, blending, I'm soooo incredibly good mood that one should be afraid and anxious. But grapeshot! is not it.

Maybe I just tired, maybe I'm just happy times at last what used to be home. My opinion is that all the same anyway and I enjoy it just now, huh? It really is that nice weather, my window is wide open and the heat (I can not say it often enough) wind brushed against me. I shall take lots of pictures. Oh yes, I am looking forward to it.

I want you to want me, right?

This feeling is like no other.

Oh you, guys, I know that this does not really have much content, but it just had to get out again. I am energy-charged as Hippel and perfect. I'm driving myself crazy

.

Now I jump even between languages.
I listen better.

Merci.