Cursed
Why do I feel always so hilfllos? So damn helpless? I have to look tired and just help to have the desire to, and can not do anything. No matter how much I would like to see, no matter how hard I try to hope, to believe ... again and again, always and again I am thrown back behind the glass wall and can again be seen only once in the front row.
to see, you know how stupid that is? How much I hate it?
I think it is no longer stuck in the role where help is such a scarce commodity. So I hope help me in one direction, which I will never never never never get back because I've installed giant Vollidotin me. And the help I get, can not help it. Where is there justice? Then I
try to help as much, again, again and again and yet I can not, I am not able to do so, I am too weak, can empathize with me, whatever. I can not!
If I did not already did, I would despair of me. I just have the incredible talent that make little luck, that's brought me to break. Easy to destroy. I'm really, clearly a masochist. Pain, suffering, grief, this is my world. I can only exist if I can suffer. Should I be happy, then only for a very short duration. I can not bear the happiness and the happiness I can not bear.
Where others have a survival instinct, as I have a self-destructive impulse. My past is the purest, cruel misery, my presence is more than pathetic, and my future is a huge black hole that makes life impossible.
displacement is not a solution and actually not even a possibility, but I have to do it so I can make something that calls live. I can not expect others to stand it to be permanently konfrontriert with my suffering, if they still have their own problems and a life. I can not lean on others, I can not.
empty, cold, lonely, helpless, lost corrupt, desperate, abandoned, injured confused, fragile, pathetic, weak, incompetent, unloved, hard, hateful, impossible, anxious, panicky, trapped, locked.
That's me. Damn.
0 comments:
Post a Comment