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entfall @ 2008-11-25T23: 39:00

Urgh. There are writing down so much that my buzzing of the skull, probably I have forgotten most of the half-way back or tired.
Especially because my intellectual debates always look so that it all as long wechsel-/gegenseitig contrary (or I am self-refuting), until nothing remains.

But my knowledge has limits, and probably there really is not any problem for a purely spiritual solution probably has to surrender himself before I buried too deep and too stiff hormone tracks scarred brain tissue and help it in deed'''' only drugs if the''disease''gone too far and therefore a habit is that you only still with bombs and grenades you can shake. But for me there are too many unknown and undefined, non-specific shades of gray between black and white all the categories of psychology, and even these are not clearly and unambiguously defined and tangible - we do not even know what the our sense of self actually constitutes. Okay, but now it's not like I was there expert.

Sometimes I just know nothing, not what I want, not who I am, what I feel and think or to feel better and think''''what I may or may not know what ' 'good''and''what''bad for me is what''right''and''wrong''(in the sense for what purpose? I think just it does not). They are then precisely those moments when I wonder where exactly are now actually are the limits of thought - where do you start when there is nothing in the end nothing ever will, because all thinking is always breaking up st? (Should, for example, in the sense of finding what you want to know why / do, etc.) no decision aid, on the other: On one hand you have so determined on the basis of complete neutrality and objectivity (always dependent on their own subjective thinking power as defined) opened a way of thinking but also the possibility a certain progress through reflection and thus the possible debilitating habitual negative thought patterns and work on the emotional patterns caused by them - that they would basically be absolutely free, probably to free . For I am not a man once for arbitrariness, in any event not know if I pick them at random any way of life - and every time when I once again am aware that I''only''by my thinking counter-steer and you could be no longer be all that bad, I feel always so empty and lifeless, because everything is so random and arbitrary, and because even these feelings could be so at the same time as''rationalize''. But for the actions it takes a will to do so and that a conviction about something, motivation and drive, but as I in no sense or reason for what ever see and there is nothing that makes me anything drives or forces; know I really do not know where to get the (above-mentioned conditions for action) (it's all alike no matter ...). Sometimes it pisses me
simply assume that everything you see in countless ways can, and then again's sickens me that annoy me, just because it's all can actually look out in countless different ways.
anyway I wonder whether it really is possible to make completely new and different ideas, whether or not all thinking is always ultimately based on the known (but as then, new ideas / inventions / philosophies can be designed?). Well, I can not imagine infinity, not even a world without visual patterning, but it does not mean yes, that one limits one's thinking not shut down to a minimum, could leave the old ways for new - The only question is: How far? To what extent my brain is dependent on being able to draw on ideas and influences from outside back to what extent it is at all possible, worlds of thought to develop only in its own right?

And to come back to the field of psychology back: Who has really the right or the ability to assess to what extent and when I like and what to feel (and think so too) may it's normal and what is called the term at all? What exactly would be the restriction of my Feelings through drugs justified because in the end?
So let's tell me, the intensity of my feelings was quite dramatic in its intensity - but what if I give it maybe does not want to because I like hot and cold and not lukewarm? Lack of insight, which itself belongs to the clinical picture? Well, maybe. Possible that it's not the world that is so shallow and superficial, but only me who is too extreme, in all respects and in particular - as a classic all or nothing''all or nichts''-human, perhaps, that no Healthy''and''balanced mediocrity brings to the series that really everything has to exaggerate good, too. And? Does this mean that I necessarily have to adjust to so (even in all my thoughts and feelings),''errors''I? Is it just not right, because it does not fit into the overall system, match and integrate can not? What's ticked because, to me or my environment? In my opinion there is to that question is no universal answer, for this is quite simply depends on personal benefits and being performances, as always.
And that I had quite a to transform fear, only the well-known, entrenched and well-established paths, they never really leave - because the goal of therapy but very often this is to make the people into a functioning member of society, social-interpersonal involved, the economy and the state relevant. What criteria should also decide otherwise, has to be like a man (this is usually all so choose)?
I know just do not know if I can not find somewhere bizarre that the company obviously people need to feel only a very moderate, moderate frame and think able, so that they fit in 'and work to ensure that everything runs smoothly - I can simply not avoid the impression that is attached to it, whether and how sick you are. Everything is always so focused on pure efficiency, as if we were all synchronized and standardized gears of a giant machinery - always the''demand''for unity people, putting up some absurd standards for everything. And what the whole thing? For any economic and political system, for any society-social structure, for material goods? In any case, should be is not my idea of how life, the world and man, or could, or whatever. But maybe I'm wrong too, consider again all too melodramatic, I do not know. Just as the answer to another question I ask myself sometimes: Are other people''happy''or are they not? Where am again at the statements a few paragraphs above and would continue with my wit's end.

Oh what the heck, I still suspect that my problem is simply connected to my including increased attention and sensitivity and the damn aimless tendons About all the intensity and all the extremes of my personality - I take far too much and exercise, the input is too big for me.
I have to find some outlet for the resulting tensions and Gehirnamokläufe to deal with a constructive and productive way with it - goes beyond apathy and seal making out.

Why have I only really unwell this constant companion feel that the more I think and write, the fatal effects may be the incredible miscarriages and fallacies?
(Perhaps because it is so, . You clever guy)
And while we're in self-criticism, what plausible reason or legitimate motives for publishing such texts, or even my entire blog I have really?
(What, no?)

Delete your mind

Well, that's it for today, that's me anyway is already somewhere else, I'll do me now 'nen tea (how? No brandy?) and try to forget everything.

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entfall @ 2008-11-22T18: 05:00

Sometimes when I exhausted late at night and come home empty from somewhere else, acted on rain-slicked streets tumble-shuffle, where the dim-sparse orange light of street lamps and mirrors to me suddenly everything hurts, the whole body and mind are one wants pain, I just lie down just yet in place, I think of the fine water spray in eyes wide open can sleep and then die, for the moment - 'cause the stars are to cold and far away, one could not reach them. Ever.

Sometimes when I drove for hours aimlessly restless-crazy through the streets until I am so lost and desperate feel that I could just run forever, I will simply never want to stay longer, stop me never ever to escape from it all, just follow the vague yearning to nowhere inside - 'cause there'll always be only seldom smiles and gazes. Never more.

Ha. Exactly.
I 'did not even staying power even a single thing durchzuzieh'n all - How will you live for then, huh?
you not only broken trails behind you can not leave everything to nothing, throw away all the potential opportunities and possibilities without thinking, but if you do not even know what could come of it, you never really sure Voucher FAQ sst and just try, at least try it out.
If you do that, you'll see but still pursue other ways to say goodbye.

I know.

Oh man, I really would have to work up some other things through writing. Somehow it to me again all too much.

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entfall @ 2008-11-02T23: 34:00

I have just come back from an extended tour of the area - I can not sit around all day in my room without me sometime back that this strange non-specific malaise and restlessness-driven ü ; berkommt, be it in front of the computer, a book or a piece of canvas, even at the Guitar not once is all too much (especially as the frequency of occurrence of these activities in chronological order drops significantly) - and had an experience of a kind, as I had so much ö would want fans, then they would lose their non-specificity, significance.
I stood near the tree line, absorbed in a very quiet piano piece with the evocative name''ending theme''of a vague acquaintance, and in the sight of the dark, tall, schlankwüchsigen spruces close together like an impenetrable black wall of silence the clear and cold night air traversed by the rising smoke of my cigarette and then this indescribable feeling - a moment that one would soon die, wegzusinken feel totally broken and exhaustion (mild lung pain, her legs threatening ) and at the same time deep calm and a kind of happiness or satisfaction, almost at peace with itself and the world.
If it would have to keep it ...

But I still believe, that's life, brief moments''only''a long eyelid shock intensity and extreme, then snap back to reality in the imaginary Railways, gap skipped in the system, blurred, gone.