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Am I a coward, because I am the pain as much as possible out of the way to go? Am I a coward because I would rather disappear than to make me what comes to me? Am I a coward, because others create it or at least make the appearance as if they do it and not me?
I am a coward when I say that nothing to live for me?
If I try to describe how I feel what is going on inside me, I'd say to me goes like Bella in the second part. This feeling of the hole, which eats up a growing, more and more .... But it is not enough!
Not only my heart is a hole, my whole self. My whole damn self. What am
I actually? Who am I? What makes me special? Draws me of something out of anything? I want a man who knows me and accepts me for that too. Someone who comes to me, just say so and: It's nice that you are there. Someone I find confirmation of my existence. Someone who tells me that I'm needed, I have a content.
Someone let me say that I am not empty. Not just a shell.
I can not stand it anymore. I think words, looks, gestures, touches, feelings any longer. I breathe and suffocate. I live and die every time a bit more. I fight so much and lose much more. I will not. I can not. I do not.
Giving up is not an alternative but finally a decision.
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