entfall @ 2009-01-11T04: 44:00
It's all in the circle, I come just over and over again on the same point.
opt for an opinion and reject them again, decide to do something and can not do it again. I can not even begin to find words for it like me annoy it.
me refute itself again and again, return again and again the absence of the slightest. That's it can give just do not know why all the heavens I find it so difficult ? I's simply do not understand, but I understand it anyway never pretend.
It is a constant up and down and back and forth, Extreme and abysses, to constantly change - until finally, once again, oh what a miracle is nothing left.
It is not progress. Everything I stagnated too much, I can not see any significant developments. The possible exception of my personality, but what does that mean? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Sand trickling through his fingers and dust specks in the universe.
Sometimes I do not know why I even say or write anything, yet there is no stock anyway, not in my head, not in my life and not otherwise.
And the well-known: so crappy that it's easy to just laugh. But is all this damn directed against myself, but my cynicism never on.
It leaves only emptiness, emptiness constant, I get nauseated from it.
And then I feel myself again just bad - no sadness, no bitterness, no pain, no despair, no aggression, no hate, no will to destroy, not fear. Only hollow and shallow restless malaise tinny, echoing hole. Everything half-heartedly, do not care. Cold.
I can not find anything simply can not look again. Failure but already at, for others perhaps the simplest question: Who am I? What?
And I just want, again gottverfluchter dirt, any live and not just exist.
It all makes so tired.
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